Libs cash giveaway…and no free set of steak knives!

Yesterday saw the official launch of the Coalition’s election campaign. It was certainly one to remember! Little Johnny, still trailing badly in the opinion polls, has decided that ‘me tooism’ is the way to go by plagiarising a number of the Kruddsters’ policies.
Yesterday, the pork barrelling intentions increased by a whopping $10bn to cover what the ALP calls ‘home values’. All of the sudden our PM has come up with funds to cover Childcare, Kindergarten, School expenses etc. On top of this the PM is offering slightly higher tax breaks than the ALP on savings accounts for potential first home owners.

One can only assume that Little Johnny and Smirkless Pete C must have had a couple of good nights at the casino playing roulette to be able to give away all this dosh! Is it a shameless push for votes? Will the electorate be influenced by these announcements? Are these core or non-core values? Time will show if the Coalition are onto a winner, or are in fact, playing ‘Russian Roulette’!

This week sees the launch of all the major parties campaigns. On Wednesday the Kruddster and co get their chance to give away lots more money.

The Keys ’07 team are starting to think that this election campaign is starting to resemble the quiz show ‘Deal or no Deal’.

Sorry…who is sorry?

Only 15 days to go before us voters get the chance to elect the Government for the next 3 years, yippee! Who will it be? On that day there can naturally only be one winner. As we get closer to poling day the policies and pork barrelling of both parties will become more evident.

If there can be a winner from this week then it has to be the Kruddster. Not only did he tip ‘Efficient’ to win the Melbourne Cup, he also chose the same horse in the office sweep! Drinks and earwax are on you then, Kev?

As for our visually ageing PM, ala Little Johnny, it’s not been a good week. Not only did he fail to choose the winning horse in the Melbourne Cup, he also had to contend with an unprecedented interest rate rise during an election campaign. From official statistics this is the 10th consecutive interest rate rise and the 6th in the past three years. In fact, Reserve Bank statistics show that rates were lower for the latter part of the Keating years than they are now!

To try to claw back some of the sympathy vote our PM apologised ‘sort of’ for the rate rise on Wednesday. Now, apologies are rarer from the PM than good food in Economy Class on a plane! However, by yesterday Little Johnny had changed his tact by stating that he was ‘sorry’ for the pain the interest rate rise will cause but not for the rate rise itself!

Confused, we at Keys 07 are! Anyway, whether it is the best message to portray to the electorate or not remains to be seen. One of the main reasons that Little Johnny has trouble with the ‘s’ word is probably because he is a closet Elton John fan. Yes, our PM does have some musical taste (though this could be debatable). Apparently our PM’s fave song is ‘sorry seems to be the hardest word’ by the flamboyant performer.

Next week heralds the official launch of the Election campaign by all parties. Now that is going to be riveting stuff!

400 Metres to go.....

The Election Race is well and truly hotting up! Given that today is Melbourne Cup day, you could say that there’s 400 metres to go to the finish line!

In recent days Little Johnny has started to claw back the lead enjoyed by the Kruddster. Today the difference is only 6%! Can the ageing PM pull off a Lazarus style election victory? Only time will tell us if that will happen.

Big Peter Garrett has been cracking too many jokes with talkback jock Steve Price. The former singer claiming that Labour will reverse all the ‘me tooism’ policies that it has announced in the past few weeks. Naturally, the only ones who believed this was Little Johnny and Peter (where’s my sneer gone?) Costello. Still, some damage may have been done by this throw away comment. You can safely bet that big Peter G was burning the Midnight Oil (pun intended) to explain to the ALP powers what had happened.

Also making news recently was the Shrek stand in himself, Joe Hockey. Fearing that maybe Little Johnny will not be able to perform a miracle, Shrek has said he would resign from the Howard Government if the Work Choices legislation was changed dramatically.

Nice gesture, Joe, but seeing that Little Johnny will soon be tending to his garden given that he retires as PM, the Government will be lead by Peter C and hence Shrek will not be able to resign from a ‘Howard Government’!

Anyway, today is the big race day so for 24 hours all the pollies can put aside their differences and sup champagne from their corporate sponsors boxes at Flemington, while watching the great race.

Good luck to all punters (including Ricky Ponting – another intended pun!).

Brotherly Love?

Well things seem to be going from bad to worse for the Coalition. Following on from Mad Monk’s manic Wednesday it now seems that brothers Peter and Tim C have differing opinions regarding politics!

The Reverend Tim C, the World Vision head honcho, has publicly declared who he will be voting for at the next election and it ain’t for younger bro’ Pete’s party!

It should be said that voting is an individual decision that us lucky voters have to make. However, it doesn’t look good if your vote is going to the opposite party to that of your own kin! To be fair to Tim he has justified his decision by stating that, in his view, the ALP’s foreign aid policy is better than that of the Coalition.

I would love to be a fly on the wall at the next family get together for the Costello’s. Maybe Pete can learn some choice phrases from his buddy Mad Monk Abbott to use while eating the Sunday roast!

In other news Little Johnny has been trying to shore up the grey vote (of which he certainly is one) and also keeping a very low profile, which is strange given that the election is just over three weeks away.

In ALP land the juggernaut continues to roll on and on and on. Crusty old Bob (mine’s a yard glass) Hawke has been traipsing the streets of Wentworth trying to help out the ALP candidate (Sam Newhouse) in his battle against the somewhat ‘headless chook’ Malcolm Turnbull. Apparently a lot of G’day’s were heard on the streets of Double Bay by the silver haired ex PM!

Until the next instalment….

The Election Mass Debates!

Well, with just over three weeks to go the political activity is certainly hotting up. Pork barrelling is the order of the day it seems. Rumour has it that every household will be receiving a set of steak (pork) knives courtesy of the Government any day now.

So far we have had three stimulating (???) debates between the two main parties.

At the moment the scorecard reads as follows:

- Kruddster shaded Little Johnny by a piece of earwax.
- The Swanster biffed big Pete Costello (where has the smirk gone???).
- Nicky R trounced Mad Monk Abbott even before he turned up!!

So 3-0 to the ALP at the halfway mark. Will Little Johnny and his band of merry persons (PC correct wording) be able to turn it around? Only time will tell. Will Channel Nine’s worm make any more appearances? Or will it be sleeping safely in Ray Martin’s toupee erm....I mean custody?

Yesterday, Mad Monk had a day that he would rather forget. Not only was he forced to apologise to a terminally ill patient, he then arrived late for the mass debate with Ms Roxon and then spewed forth the words ‘bulls**t’ when he realised that he forgot to set the DVD recorded to tape the ‘Bold and the Beautiful’.

Things are certainly hotting up. Can life get more exciting than this????

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And they're off!

Well finally after what seems a lifetime the Prime Minister has called the Federal Election for 24th November. Already we have seen the political parties promising this, that, and in some cases, the other!

Little Johnny and Big Pete are quick off the mark by promising tax cuts for all! It's amazing how many times this promise (aka hoary old chestnut) comes out at elections. How will the Ruddster respond? Time will certainly tell.

The Prime Minister had stated that there will be one televised debate only. However, shock horror, there will be no appearance of the worm (some say that it is truly the star of the debate). Expect the 'Pro Worms are good' group to protest outside the PM's marginally held electoral office over the next week or so.

So will the 24th of November by lucky for the Government? Well, a quick trawl on the 'net reveals that the following events have happened on this day:

• River Thames froze in 1434 & 1715 (no chance of this happening nowadays - Ed).
• Destructive eruption of Vesuvius in 1759.
• Birth of Bram Stoker, author of Dracula in 1847.
• Radio Belgium's first transmission in 1923.
• Ireland votes for independence from the UK in 1948.
• Jack Ruby shoots Lee Harvey Oswald in 1963 (or did he? - Ed).
• Miss Teenage America Pageant starts in 1973 (hooray - "I want world peace etc" - Ed).
• Test cricket debut of Richie Richardson in 1983.
• The end of the world according to the Ukranian Sect of the White Brotherhood in 1993.
• Karrie Webb wins LPGA tour championship in 1996.

So you can see there aren't any omens good or bad for the Liberal Party, or indeed the opposition. What you can be assured of, however, is lots and lots of advertising. Expect an increase in pregancies over the next 5 weeks or so as viewers switch off.

Over the course of the election we will bring you all the news, views, gossip and fashion trends of our beloved Pollies!

Stay tuned.....